Hot Pursuit [ish] Interview

So I’ve been playing a lot of Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit and needless to say, I’m really enjoying it......

.......except for when I lose, then it can go to hell.

Anyway, I started wondering what it’s like for an actual street racer, followed by an awesome idea to interview one for the blog…site…thing. I figured it would be a fun thing to do and I wouldn’t have to be creative with the dialogue and I could just write down the conversation as it took place.

Now, being the genius that I am and using my internet friend who goes by the name of George Oxford Oscar Gumbo Leonidas E (who gives their child five names and a letter?), we did somehow manage to find such a person.

What follows below is the resulting interview that was in no way pre-planned.

 **Editor's Note. These: "-----------" signify a skip in time.

***Editor's Note 2. Look at me trying to be professional. "Editor's Note" Ha.



Me: I assume that we’re both busy people so let’s get started now. Oh, and thank you for your time, Mr. Stone.
 
Mr. Stone: Uh…I thought we agreed to not use my real name?
 
Me: Well it’s not like the cops are going to read this, but if you insist, Racer X.

Racer X: Really, man? That’s what you’re going to call me?
 
Me: Would you prefer NASCAR McQueen?

NASCAR McQueen: Racer X it is.

Me: Let’s start over.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Me: Let’s put the pedal to the metal!!!

Racer X: Start Over.
 
Me: ………..

------------------------------------------

Me: Really appreciate you taking the time to talk with me.
 
Racer X: No problem. Although I do have a car back home that needs a test drive.
 
Me: Would that be the car you won from Takeshi Mikoto? Or your spare after you were busted last week?
 
Racer X: Excuse me?
 
Me: Joking. Just a joke that I heard from a guy. (It’s not a joke)
 
Racer X: Well, joking or not. We don’t bet our own cars anymore, it’s too risky. We race for rep now. We
earn new rides each time we hit a certain amount.
 
Me: Sounds like a game I played once—wait, hold on. Someone is basically just giving cars away due to an imaginary number?
 
Racer X: Right.
 
Me: …….
 
Racer X: ….What?
 
Me: Who, you fool?!
 
Racer X: Oh, well, none of us really know. We kind of just take the cars and go on about our day. Don’t go questioning a good thing you know?
 
Me: Um, I see…I think. The ancient art of “Don’t ask. Don’t tell.”
 
Racer X: I like to think it keeps things simple.
 
Me: Too simple if you ask me, but let’s move on.
 
Racer X: Alright.

---------------------------------------------------

Me: I have here your rap sheet. Or your profile---
 
Racer X: Wait, what? How’d you even get that? Those stats aren’t tracked.
 
Me: Yeah, they are. Otherwise I wouldn’t have them in my hand right now, Mr. Stone.
 
Mr. Stone: Uh, Racer X.
 
Me:  Pops Racer.
 
Mr. Stone: What?!
 
Me: We’re not randomly naming Speed Racer characters?
 
Mr. Stone: No! You’re calling me Racer X for this interview, remember?
 
Me: ...Oh, right. My bad. Anyway, your profile. According to this, you’ve won 9 races, lost 23, and have been busted by the cops 42 times…dude you suck.
 
Racer X: 42? That can’t be right. I always restart or quit before I’m caught.
 
Me: You restart a police chase?
 
Racer X: Well yeah. I hate losing.
 
Me: You’ll have to explain how you manage to restart a cop chase.
 
Racer X: Press Start, and then hit Restart.
 
Me: I’m more confused and concerned than before.
 
Racer X: It’s a street racer thing. Clearly you’re not one.
 
Me: Touché, but I still find it a bit odd.
 
Racer X: Don’t worry, man. But, uh, I think you got the wrong info.
 
Me: Weird. Well, like you said, I’m not a street racer in any way.
 
Racer X: Mmhmm
 
Me: So. How does one even begin to start a career as a cop instigator—I mean, uh, yeah.
 
Racer X: It’s okay.  But getting started is really easy. You just go to the menu and choose “Career.” You even start off with a few nice cars.
 
Me: Did you just say “you go to the menu and choose career”?
 
Racer X: That’s right. Then you just pick a car and go. The races are even named for you. The first one is called Racers Reborn. 

Me: ………………
 
Racer X: ………………
 
Me: Um…
 
Racer X: Yeah?
 
Me: Your story is really starting to sound like Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit.
 
Racer X: Oh yeah, that’s the name of the online company.
 
Me: Company?!
 
Racer X: Yep.
 
Me: And once again I think you’re gonna have to explain yourself.
 
Racer X: It’s really simple. This company contacted me by sending me this case, and in that case was a disk. Luckily, I had just the hardware to run the program on the disk, which was called Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit.
 
Me: Back up. Do you think Need for Speed is real?
 
Racer X: Of course it’s real. The case even had Limited Edition on it—
 
Me: Wait—
 
Racer X: --Besides, why would you have contacted me if it wasn’t real? 

Me: Because I thought you were an actual street racer.
 
Racer X: I am. It’s all online now, but only for certain people.
 
Me: Can you—can you excuse me for a minute?
 
Racer X: Gotta take it all in in private, huh?
 
Me: Yeah…not so much.

------------------------------------------------

                                                           Couple minutes later
Me: See this in my hand?
 
Racer X: Hey, that’s the same case I got. You must be a member then.
 
Me: No. This is a video game developed by Criterion for the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. You, sir, are either crazy or stupid. Maybe both.
 
Racer X: That’s what those nuthouse doctors called me. Crazy.
 
Me: Say wha now?
 
Racer X: They said I was crazy too. That it was just a game—
 
Me: Both of those being true—
 
Racer X: But they’re wrong, just like you.
 
Me: Prove me right some more, please.
 
Racer X: Well you know what?

Me: You’re insane?

Racer X: No!

Me: Someone's in Denial.

Racer X: I’m not gonna sit here and take it. This interview is over!

Me: Phew! Well then, goodbye, Racer X.

Racer X: Chim-Chim!!

Me: Yep, crazy.

------------------------------------------------------

Me: Welp, that’s done. And thank god I wasn’t stabbed like last time…yep.

Me again: Wait, I just let a madman walk out onto the streets of society……eh well, not my problem, for there are more pressing questions before me!!

Like: What was my patient’s real name?
         
          How did George Oxford Oscar Gumbo Leonidas E find this guy?

          Whose police profile do I really have?

          How did I manage to write all this stuff down while talking with a crazy man?

          And why am I still writi--